Day 25 - Elder care

We are going to make ANOTHER attempt to get Leiya to Ohio this morning.  Mr. Obama is no longer in town so maybe Leiya will catch her flight.

I heard from Tetsu last night and he is holding the fort fairly well.  I think my ailing elderly kitty is not eating again but Tetsu won't go into details to keep me from more worries.  Our good friends the Yamadas and the Sugas are inviting Tetsu to their homes occasionally for company and dinners.  Thank you Marlene and Keiko!  I have some stuff I want you to read Kohei and Toshi!  I gather that my mother's care is being discussed in the evenings and comparisons are being made between Japanese and American elder care. The Sugas are in a similar situation with their elder parents living in California too so they have researched the possibilities in depth.  And Kohei has taken an interest in developing elder care in Japan, and you know where Tetsu stands.  We should all have some good discussions when I get back!

While I have been in California I have gathered my reading material and enjoyed long hours in Grandma's casita reading what I like.  I finished her year of Time magazines and her old copies of Reader's Digest.  I have downloaded numerous books on my Kindle, three of which have been books by Lisa Genova who is a neuroscientist and author.  Her novels have been about dementia (she wrote Still Alice which became a movie) and Huntington's Disease and other neural disorders.  Somewhat depressing but also inspiring.

I stumbled upon a book called Being Mortal by Atul Gawande about elder care.  I first tried borrowing it from the library onto my Kindle (that is the absolute best service!  All these downloadable books to BORROW!  Next I want to try audio books.)  Sadly Being Mortal was already checked out so I went to the local library and borrowed it in book form.  And read it in one sitting, and was so taken by the truth of it all.  This is the book I want Kohei to read and I'll try to give the English gist to Tetsu. 

So I BOUGHT the book and began rereading and scribbling in the margins.  And then Leiya asked me to read it aloud to her so we have been taking turns reading the book to each other and Kiana even got into the act.  I love that my daughter is so interested in the theory of elder care and it isn't a particularly cheery book.

Other news from Tetsu was that he has been to see his mother and showed her pictures of Leiya cutting Grandma's hair and Takumi sitting beside her.  Tetsu's mother is envious of the physical love my children give to my mother and though they think of their Japanese grandma they don't get back to spend time with her.

My mother and Tetsu's mother are close in age and have met one another two or three times (when my mother was still visiting Japan).  They must have a subconscious rivalry going on because both my mother and Tetsu's mother ask about each other in curious tones.

"How's Tetsu's mother?  Does she live alone?  Does she have care helpers coming in?  What does she do all day?"

My mother asks the same questions every couple of days.

When I tell her that Tetsu's mother still cooks her own food but does have people to come in to clean, I sense a bit of competition... like maybe my mother with her frailties is sad that on these terms Tetsu's mother has come out on top.

But the same is true of Tetsu's mother when she asks about mine.

"Does your mother have her family with her all the time?  Does she still have all her teeth?  What does she do all day?"

I may have a mean streak in me because I'd tell Tetsu's mother that mine liked to go out with us for dinner (that was last year) and I tell my mother that Tetsu's mother likes watching TV.  I was sort of hoping to spur each to try a bit harder...

But this year I play down Tetsu's mother's abilities to Grandma and I probably will gave an accurate picture of my mother in Hopsice care to Tetsu's mother.  Will they see their own blessings?

Before we head for the airport Takumi is writing his Japanese Grandma a letter for me to take back along with one from Leiya.

And Leiya made both grandma's friendship bracelets this morning.