Day 29 - Memories made

My bags are packed.  I said goodbye to my brother last night as he was out of the house this morning at 4:30.AM.  Takumi forgot something at the house last weekend so he will be meeting us at the airport to collect that.  I've joined Grandma in eating donuts for breakfast together.  We've told her repeatedly that I am leaving today abut she always acts surprised.

After my mother hit 80, every summer after my California visits I would leave thinking that I might not see her again.  That is the down side of living on the other side of the world though I suppose it is the same even if you live in another state from an elderly parent or across town when they are very ill.  But Grandma has stayed healthy and each year we count down the days until I will be visiting again (Grandma starts counting the day I leave California).  Today's leaving will be even more uncertain...  I've let Grandma and Marcy and other friends know that I may be back in 6 months.  So basically it is,

"Grandma, hang on 6 months!  I'll see you then!"

Marcy predicts that Grandma will be sad and withdrawn the next few days or weeks.  Marcy sees this every summer...  I wouldn't know.

I wonder though...  Grandma already doesn't remember that Leiya was here nor that friends who visited yesterday bringing gifts have stopped in.

"Where did the flowers come from?  Who brought the teddy bear?"

I was surprised at how she thrilled at the teddy bear... talking baby talk, petting it.  Just the cuteness, the softness is cheering to her, but it reminds me of the elderly who think they are carrying around a child...  Well, it gives her comfort.  We should have known that she might have bonded with a teddy bear because she's always been such an animal lover and would trap a struggling animal in her arms.  Now she has a teddy bear she can talk to.

So... I'm hoping that Grandma forgets right away that I was ever visiting... and thus won't feel the pain of my leaving.  Still, subconsciously she's going to feel that some daily presence (mine) isn't popping through the door, isn't joking and touching and loving her.  I have to trust that Marcy will do enough that Grandma doesn't even notice and with the slew of hospice staff she will certainly have more company.

Such laughter we've had this month.  I honestly wondered if all Grandma's laughter was going to rob her of oxygen or give her too much (I didn't know which way it works).  One day she had a sniffle.. a "booger" in her nose and every time she breathed she produced a whistle.  Oh the hilarity of it all!  Grandma laughed and laughed and we joined her and my funny faces at her funny noises just made her laugh more and more.

Another time we found Grandma sleeping peacefully in bed but with no diapers on...  Did she lose them when she was sleeping?  Have they fallen under the bed?  Leiya finally found them in the bathroom so Grandma had crawled to the end of the bed, past the rails, worked her way to the bathroom, done her business and then done the reverse going back to bed.  Fooled us all!

"Grandma!  How did you DO that?  Did you climb over the rails?  You are so sneaky!"

Grandma thought is so funny that her family was standing around her bed trying to figure out her antics.  Safe it wasn't, but fun it was! And maybe safety isn't everything.  A good memory was made and we were all given a jolt of cheer.

So...  Who knows...  I may be back one more time this year.  That would be nice for all of us.