I've arrived safely back in Japan. Life goes on, though not maybe as we planned. Thank you for your concern after the news of the earthquake. The first shock hit Japan on Thursday morning (the day I was flying back to Japan) and that was horrendous, and then the series of "aftershocks" have added more damage and claimed more property and lives. Japan is fairly well prepared for earthquakes but this large one has destroyed relief systems. Though it was without any tsunami and nuclear accidents, the direct hit to residential areas has put southern Japan on hold. In Tokyo and places north, we are unaffected but from the day I returned to Japan the news covers the earthquake situation 24 hours a day. There have been so many major aftershocks that I have become confused about which quake has destroyed bridges, which wiped out castles and shrines, which moved mountains. We will be watching the news about the damage inflicted by the earthquake and the TV will have emergency updates rolling through the screen of one that happened minutes before.
Before leaving California I was able to see Takumi one more time a few minutes before boarding my plane, as he had left something at my brother's house and we wanted to return it to him and he wanted to pass along something to me also. He had 30 minutes to drive to our meeting point and make the exchange, eat a sandwich together and then go back to work. My son in working mode.
I arrived in Japan about 8:30 at night (the plane was a little behind schedule) and Tetsu was at the airport to meet me. We had a four hour drive back home and pulled in in the wee hours of Saturday morning. All 6 cats and Choco greeted me and they seemed happy enough that I was home. Tetsu was the most happy though because Vel my old cat has been failing, and he really wanted it to hold on until I got here.
So that has put a damper on my return. I leave my elderly mother wishing that I could have stayed by her side until the very end and come home to my elderly cat which I really dread having to see through to the end... Tetsu doesn't understand my thinking and I don't either. I was perfectly content and expected to be with my mother but the idea of watching Vel decline is heart breaking.
(Mi, Vel in the back and Cleo sitting on a heated mat. Tetsu took this photo at the beginning of April.)
This is ridiculous. My goal was to keep my mother comfortable and happy. Why can't I keep that goal for my cat? Vel is wandering now and meowing. He is looking for something, somewhere to go. We have never been decisive about putting our animals down and as long as he is free from pain I don't think we are going to make the decision. Maybe that is what I am dreading... Having to make the decision. Why my last days with my mother were fairly tear free and now I am weepy I really don't know.
"Vel was waiting for you to come back. Look how he sits with you. Be happy that you can spend the time with him again."
Still... maybe my month of Grandma care has worn me thinner than I thought...
On a brighter note. I wasn't home more than 12 hours than Tetsu was whisking me away to go search out some cherry blossoms. He was sorry that I missed that very beautiful season of Japan and figured that if we headed north a bit and maybe into the mountains, there still might be some cherry blossoms blooming, and he was right!
There was only this mother and her two children at the side of a school yard having a picnic lunch in the shade of the trees. So much more relaxing than the touristy cherry blossom viewing parks back in the city!
So I got my cherry blossom treat and know that spring and warmer times are upon us again.
So happy to hear you are safely home and your area was not in the devastating earthquake. Enjoyed very much hearing about your time in California.
ReplyDeleteI think it is a normal response for you to be weepy now that you are home with your husband. You had to be so strong while you were in CA, and you were! Let the tears fall. It's okay.
ReplyDeleteThe possible loss of your darling Vel may well be so much harder than leaving your Mum. I speak of my own feelings after my Mum, then some years later my Dad died. Then as each of our cats, again some years later, began to fail, this is where it all fell to pieces. Vel will tell you in his own way, and maybe his wandering is that he is looking for that final place of peace and rest. My love to you, sending all caring thoughts, as you have left one needing to be cared for, and arrive home in the midst of the huge earthquake turmoils, to find Vel not well either. XXX from NZ.
ReplyDeleteVel is your 'release' of all the emotions from the past month with your mother. You needed to be strong for your mother and family, but, Vel will let you cry, and not care.
ReplyDeleteOur vet told me that animals, towards the end, tend to seek out somewhere "safe" and quiet. I took one of our cats, towards her end, out to a safe space in our fenced garden. And there, she died. Our other cat crawled underneath our Christmas tree and died. Bittersweet for sure, but at least we could let their lives end naturally. That has not always been the case for some of our sweet pets.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear that you are safely back in Japan and there was no damage to your area. So sorry for all the people who have been affected by the earthquake and subsequent aftershocks. So sorry that Vel is having health issues. It makes perfect sense to me that you would be emotional after returning home (even without an ailing feline). I'm sure it was an emotional month with your family and once home, those emotions could easily trigger an emotional meltdown. You have handled it all so graciously and I admire you for the way you have handled everything you have shared with us on your blog. Prayers that your days get easier.
ReplyDeleteI have faced the end with many cats over the years. The only wisdom I have to pass on is not to give up on them until they show you that they are ready to give up on life themselves. You will know...they will stop eating, stop wandering, and simply give up. Then it's time to step in with the ultimate act of love and letting go. The love, however, never ends. I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I have seen signs that my cats' spirits have visited me after they've passed. Things happened that I witnessed and cannot explain any other way. When you see a cat toy moving by itself and when you feel a cat jump up on the bed with you - feel his fur - feel him purr - you know that love bond never goes away. Do not be afraid.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are home safe and sound...hopefully, your cat isn't in pain (hence, his meowing??)...might have a vet check. Animals know they are loved. And you did a great job with yourmom...I'm sure you are having some residual feelings from both these situations. Take care..you have strength from high!
ReplyDelete((((((((((((Tanya))))))))))))) I think that maybe since you're home now, and in your most comfortable place, the lid might be coming off your emotions...and that is perfectly normal. You did a lot to help your mum, and by staying busy, you were able to put emotions aside. Now they're coming out. It's ok, let them! And of course, dealing with a failing kitty on top of it...oh hon. This is a hard season for you. I am holding you in prayer!
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