Early family life

Tetsu and I lived in little two room apartments for years and years before we bought our now home. For the first years of marriage Tetsu was transferred around a lot and so we'd live in one city for a year and then be transferred to another city for a year. When Takumi was born I just decided I didn't want to do that any more. It was fun for the first 5 years but I wanted to live in one place for awhile. So when Tetsu was transferred to Tokyo I said,

"Bye, have a nice time. I don't want to live in Tokyo."

Doesn't that sound awful?! No, we were not considering separation. This is a rather common practice in Japan. It is called tanshinfunin, and in the dictionary it is translated as a Business Bachelor. Companies will transfer their businessmen and the husbands leave their families and go off to live alone in a mini-apartment until the next transfer. Many (many!) times, the company will send their businessman on an overseas post and for 4 or 5 years the family will live apart if they choose not to uproot the whole family. In some ways it makes sense. The children don't have to change schools all the time, the wife can keep her job if she has one, if the family is living with the husband's parents (another very common custom) then the wife and grandparents can care for the children together. Sometimes the wife cares for the in-laws which can also be very convenient (for the husband).

I thought tanshinfunin a horrid example of how little Japan thinks of husband and wife relationships.

"I would never think of such a thing! What is the point of being married if the husband and wife never see each other? Where do the children get father influence if the father only comes home once every six months or so? Where does love and understanding and building a life together take place in a situation like this?"

Actually I have many friends whose families have chosen the tanshinfunin route yet the husband and wife obviously have a loving relationship, the children are proud of their father and his work and the whole family considers the absent father to be a huge presence in their lives.

Back to 23 years ago. Tetsu wasn't really happy in his job anyway and didn't think he was going to make it his life's work so we decided that he would go to Tokyo alone for a few months, quit, and then return to the city where we were then living. Baby Takumi and I lived in our apartment with Tetsu coming home on weekends and a month or two before Tetsu quit his job Takumi and I went to California. After leaving his job, Tetsu joined us in California and the three of us spent a month together, the longest Tetsu has ever lived in the States.

(Before cats and dogs we used to keep birds! Notice Takumi sitting on the tatami mats in our apartment.)

After returning to Japan, and a few false starts, Tetsu found his place in convalescent care and we settled down enough to consider buying a house. When Takumi was 7 and Leiya 3 we purchased our house in Nikko and I have been happy here ever since.

(Takumi at our old apartment on his skateboard visit last summer.)

I love having nature at my doorstep. I love having more than two rooms. I love being able to keep animals. And I love walking with Tetsu in the morning and having him come home every night.